OUT, Part I...

Imagine you are in a confined space. Not big enough for you to lie down, or to stand up in. There's a door, but it's locked from the outside. There's a source of air, but it comes in slow and stale. You can hear, and even see everything outside, because this entire room is made of glass. It's dingy, streaked, and dirty glass, but you can make out your friends, your family, and anyone else that passes by. They speak to you, and even treat you as they always have, but don't acknowledge that you are in this space. And slowly, but surely, this space starts to shrink. First, it starts coming down from above, and then from the sides, squeezing you tighter and tighter until you are pressed up against the glass, screaming, begging for mercy.

Some call it a shrinking room, or a cell. I call it a closet. THE Closet. Yes, that closet.

On tonight's episode of Glee, the character of Santana, who has been slowly accepting that she is gay, was cruelly outed by another character, Finn, who, while he has a heart of gold, doesn't exactly have a brain to match. I saw some people on twitter cheer for Finn when he called Santana out in the hallway, saying she deserved it.

NO.

The Closet is a scary enough, lonely place without other people pulling you out before you're ready. Not to mention it's dangerous. No matter how well you think you know someone, or their situation, you don't. PERIOD. You may be able to sympathize, but there is NO WAY you could possibly know.

Last Friday was Veterans' Day, and I had the honor of meeting many Veterans and listening to their stories. As most of you know, I have many veterans in my family. I was discussing the fact that when I was a junior in high school, I took the ASVAB and scored a 97, the third highest score possible. I could have joined any branch I wanted to, and done just about anything I wanted, but I didn't. Why? Because by the time I graduated high school, i'd been out for two years, and I wasn't ready to go back in. (Obviously, if it were today, I'd be good...ten years a bit too late...)

Most people I say this too, "who cares? just don't tell them you're gay..."

My response to this is always the same: I spent fifteen years hiding what I knew to be true, and who I was, deep down inside. I thought of suicide constantly, and I was terrified that someone would find out, and I would not only be humiliated, but remember, I live in Texas, and being queer in Texas is both a spectator sport, and a contact sport, and not in the good, fun way. I wasn't about to go into a situation with MANY highly trained, highly aggressive, ARMED men with too much testosterone, and try to get away with HIDING, even for one hour. Wasn't gonna happen.

I don't care how mean, cruel, or degrading someone is, no one deserves the pain of being outed before they're ready. If it's an honest accident, that's one thing. But if it's intentional, and you consider yourself GLBT friendly, or an ALLY, then you need to stop and look at yourself again, because no true friend would thrust someone into a situation they're not prepared for. Not unless you plan on going down that same road, the ENTIRE TIME, by their side, without fail. And no matter how good of a friend you are, that just can't be possible.

Take it from someone who knows. If you read one of my previous posts, you'll know that I had the misfortune of having private letters of mine stolen, copied, and posted all over school in my sophomore year in high school. It was literally a page from hollywood. Not even two months earlier, THAT EXACT THING happened on Dawson's Creek. It is embarrassing, humiliating, degrading, and depressing. It can do a lot more than knock someone's ego down a notch. It can cause serious pain, anguish, hurt, and it can lead them to take drastic measures, whether against themselves, or others.

IF you think Outing is right, then you are no true friend to a GLBT person. If you think Outing is fair to mean people, then you are just stooping to their level.

Also in tonight's episode, all the student body presidential candidates went negative against the others, EXCEPT FOR KURT. He stood up against bullying, against EVERYONE. He didn't say "except for those who hurt others already."

Last week, when he ran into his tormenter/bully/gay stalker Karofsky, Karofsky apologized, and Kurt did what he does best: he shows his humanity and compassion. HE FORGAVE HIM. He even made a point to tell him that he would never have told anyone that Karofsky was gay. EVER.

This is a guy who pushed him into lockers, who bullied him, teased him, threatened to MURDER HIM, and yet, Kurt forgave him. Forgiveness isn't just for Jesus, or God. It was created for humans, too. If you're holding a grudge...let it go. I know it's hard, and I'll be honest, there are even a couple I'm still holding for something horrible someone's done to me and my family or friends, but I hope to one day be able to say that all is well, and all is forgiven.

LOVE. It's not just a noun. It's a verb, too. Meaning (for those who are not grammatically inclined), it's not just a concept. It's an action. You have to love people, NO MATTER WHAT.

Wouldn't you want someone to love you NO MATTER WHAT? I know I would, and I'm lucky, because I do (thanks, Mom and Dad).

So please, if it's on your mind, don't out someone. Instead, REACH OUT. Be a friend. You can never have too many friends. Except on myspace.


Peace...

--Michael