Imagine you are in a confined space. Not big enough for you to lie down, or to stand up in. There's a door, but it's locked from the outside. There's a source of air, but it comes in slow and stale. You can hear, and even see everything outside, because this entire room is made of glass. It's dingy, streaked, and dirty glass, but you can make out your friends, your family, and anyone else that passes by. They speak to you, and even treat you as they always have, but don't acknowledge that you are in this space. And slowly, but surely, this space starts to shrink. First, it starts coming down from above, and then from the sides, squeezing you tighter and tighter until you are pressed up against the glass, screaming, begging for mercy.
Some call it a shrinking room, or a cell. I call it a closet. THE Closet. Yes, that closet.
On tonight's episode of Glee, the character of Santana, who has been slowly accepting that she is gay, was cruelly outed by another character, Finn, who, while he has a heart of gold, doesn't exactly have a brain to match. I saw some people on twitter cheer for Finn when he called Santana out in the hallway, saying she deserved it.
NO.
The Closet is a scary enough, lonely place without other people pulling you out before you're ready. Not to mention it's dangerous. No matter how well you think you know someone, or their situation, you don't. PERIOD. You may be able to sympathize, but there is NO WAY you could possibly know.
Last Friday was Veterans' Day, and I had the honor of meeting many Veterans and listening to their stories. As most of you know, I have many veterans in my family. I was discussing the fact that when I was a junior in high school, I took the ASVAB and scored a 97, the third highest score possible. I could have joined any branch I wanted to, and done just about anything I wanted, but I didn't. Why? Because by the time I graduated high school, i'd been out for two years, and I wasn't ready to go back in. (Obviously, if it were today, I'd be good...ten years a bit too late...)
Most people I say this too, "who cares? just don't tell them you're gay..."
My response to this is always the same: I spent fifteen years hiding what I knew to be true, and who I was, deep down inside. I thought of suicide constantly, and I was terrified that someone would find out, and I would not only be humiliated, but remember, I live in Texas, and being queer in Texas is both a spectator sport, and a contact sport, and not in the good, fun way. I wasn't about to go into a situation with MANY highly trained, highly aggressive, ARMED men with too much testosterone, and try to get away with HIDING, even for one hour. Wasn't gonna happen.
I don't care how mean, cruel, or degrading someone is, no one deserves the pain of being outed before they're ready. If it's an honest accident, that's one thing. But if it's intentional, and you consider yourself GLBT friendly, or an ALLY, then you need to stop and look at yourself again, because no true friend would thrust someone into a situation they're not prepared for. Not unless you plan on going down that same road, the ENTIRE TIME, by their side, without fail. And no matter how good of a friend you are, that just can't be possible.
Take it from someone who knows. If you read one of my previous posts, you'll know that I had the misfortune of having private letters of mine stolen, copied, and posted all over school in my sophomore year in high school. It was literally a page from hollywood. Not even two months earlier, THAT EXACT THING happened on Dawson's Creek. It is embarrassing, humiliating, degrading, and depressing. It can do a lot more than knock someone's ego down a notch. It can cause serious pain, anguish, hurt, and it can lead them to take drastic measures, whether against themselves, or others.
IF you think Outing is right, then you are no true friend to a GLBT person. If you think Outing is fair to mean people, then you are just stooping to their level.
Also in tonight's episode, all the student body presidential candidates went negative against the others, EXCEPT FOR KURT. He stood up against bullying, against EVERYONE. He didn't say "except for those who hurt others already."
Last week, when he ran into his tormenter/bully/gay stalker Karofsky, Karofsky apologized, and Kurt did what he does best: he shows his humanity and compassion. HE FORGAVE HIM. He even made a point to tell him that he would never have told anyone that Karofsky was gay. EVER.
This is a guy who pushed him into lockers, who bullied him, teased him, threatened to MURDER HIM, and yet, Kurt forgave him. Forgiveness isn't just for Jesus, or God. It was created for humans, too. If you're holding a grudge...let it go. I know it's hard, and I'll be honest, there are even a couple I'm still holding for something horrible someone's done to me and my family or friends, but I hope to one day be able to say that all is well, and all is forgiven.
LOVE. It's not just a noun. It's a verb, too. Meaning (for those who are not grammatically inclined), it's not just a concept. It's an action. You have to love people, NO MATTER WHAT.
Wouldn't you want someone to love you NO MATTER WHAT? I know I would, and I'm lucky, because I do (thanks, Mom and Dad).
So please, if it's on your mind, don't out someone. Instead, REACH OUT. Be a friend. You can never have too many friends. Except on myspace.
Peace...
--Michael
Showing posts with label GLBT YOUTH. Show all posts
Showing posts with label GLBT YOUTH. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
For Those Who Have Considered Suicide...
This Thursday, October 20, is National Spirit Day, in which LGBT people and their allies show their support of youth by wearing purple, in remembrance of those LGBT youth who struggled so much and could find no release, and took the ultimate measure and committed suicide.
This, as you may imagine, is a very personal issue for me. Being a gay man, especially one who grew up in the South (and still lives there), it wasn't just hard. It was EXCRUCIATING.
Every time I read about a teen who killed themselves because of bullying, it breaks my heart over and over again. This is truly the most devastating thing a family could experience. The most devastating thing a parent, a sibling, could ever imagine.
I am no psychic, nor a psychologist, but I can imagine the anguish and agony that one feels after someone kills him/herself, and the constant wondering "did i miss it?" or "what could i have done to prevent it?"
What I'm about to write, I have only shared with a VERY select few. Literally, no more than a handful of people in the last twelve years.
When I was a sophomore in high school, I was more depressed than I'd ever been, and never having really understood it up to that point, I, of course, thought that it would last forever. I did not have the foresight to believe that it would just go away eventually. That time would ease my pain, and that things would get SO MUCH BETTER.
People will tell you it doesn't always get better, and unfortunately, that can be true. Cause sometimes it does get better, then it gets worse, but guess what? it can also get better again.
This time in my life, as a sophomore in high school, I had a lot of acquaintances, but only a few TRUE, CLOSE friends.
I had said something (I forget what) that clued them in on my depression, and they understood it to mean that I was ready to harm myself. And they were right. I was ready to go home and do something drastic that I could never change afterward. I was ready to kill myself.
Was it due to bullying? Somewhat. More than anything, though, it was due to shame. My own shame. For who I was, for who I wasn't, and for who I never thought I could be.
At the time, my mother had me seeing a shrink, who was nice enough, but I just didn't think he could help. In fact, that day, I had an appointment, but I was planning on blowing it off and going home and doing the deed without telling anyone. I wasn't even sure if I was going to leave a note.
Thank all that is holy and sacred that I had two VERY TRUE FRIENDS who could see what was bothering me, and who'd told me they were gonna tell my mother exactly what I was planning, so if I even STILL went through with it, they knew I'd feel guilty for her knowing and not being able to stop it.
I hear about people who kill themselves, or plan to, who suddenly feel so calm once they've made the decision, both how to, and when to do it. I couldn't believe how calm I felt that day. I was truly prepared to end everything, and nothing else could bother me. Not even when people called me fag in the hallway, or told me they were gonna beat me up because I looked at them in a "gay way."
But something...strange...happened. Something...miraculous. This calm I felt? I could see through it and realize that despite everything I'd been feeling for months, I could finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. And that light is what guided me through the rest of the day, and ever since then, the whole of my life.
I'm not saying this light was God, or anything such as that. I DON'T KNOW what it was. Maybe it was the look on my friends' Michael and Michelle's faces that day as I walked toward my mother's car to go to my appointment, but right then and there, I decided not to go through with it.
Suicide is the easy way out. There is no other way to say it. I know it sounds harsh for those who have committed suicide, and I do not mean it as such. But it's the truth. Life is hard. Life is REALLY FUCKING HARD. Those who live it, and continue to live it, and try to make it better, those are the people I admire. Those who end it early? Those are the ones I feel for. Not pity. Those are the ones I empathize with.
A lot of people say they understand, or they may "know" how someone feels when they want to commit suicide. I don't believe anyone truly understands, or knows, how another may feel, unless they've been in those shoes. So when I tell you I know, or I understand, believe me, I DO.
Reading this week about Jamie Hubley, in Canada, and last month, about Jamey Rodemeyer, both of whom killed themselves due to bullying and depression, and both of whom who had posted their troubles online in videos, and tried to beat them, but failed, really made me thing back to that fateful day in sophomore year.
I can't, for the life of me, ever show my ETERNAL GRATITUDE to those two friends, Michael Mohler, and Michelle Moreno (Avila). Thank you, so much, for seeing in me what I couldn't, and believing in me.
These days, I'm a college graduate, with dreams of making it big in New York. I've found, throughout the years, full of both depression and elation, that having a goal is what truly makes a difference, for me. That, and role models, both old and young, who have shown me that I can not only see that IT GETS BETTER, but also that I can MAKE IT BETTER MYSELF.
A special thanks goes out to those who have made IT GETS BETTER videos, and promises, but I would like to specifically site a few...
Zachary Quinto, who just this weekend, revealed that he was gay, had a very powerful video...
Matt Doyle, a favorite of mine, and a true inspiration, every single day...
Chris Colfer...who, if you've read any of my blog before, you know how much I admire and adore...
And because I mentioned him earlier, and it is important to see that even the strongest of us can face such unseen obstacles of pain and torment, Jamey Rodemeyer...
PLEASE, if you are thinking of hurting yourself, please DON'T. Please, for the love of humanity, God, and all that is good in this world (because there is STILL PLENTY OF GOOD), call the trevor Project.
1-866-4U TREVOR
I promise you, it's worth it. I'm not longer considered a GLBT youth, but I've called the number before, just a few short years ago. They can help you. They can guide you. They can show you IT GETS BETTER.
Please...we've lost too many young people who could have made such a difference in this world.
And, please, don't ever forget those we have lost...
Billy Lucas, 15
Seth Walsh, 13
Tyler Clementi, 16
Jamey Rodemeyer, 14
Jamie Hubley, 15
Aiyisha Hassan, 19
Asher Brown, 13
Justin Aaberg, 15
Raymond Chase, 19
Cody J. Barker, 17
Zachary Harrington, 19
Lance Lundsten, 18
A list too long already, but not even close to everyone who should be honored...
Please, wear purple on Thursday, October 20, and don't just wait for people to ask...tell them why...
This, as you may imagine, is a very personal issue for me. Being a gay man, especially one who grew up in the South (and still lives there), it wasn't just hard. It was EXCRUCIATING.
Every time I read about a teen who killed themselves because of bullying, it breaks my heart over and over again. This is truly the most devastating thing a family could experience. The most devastating thing a parent, a sibling, could ever imagine.
I am no psychic, nor a psychologist, but I can imagine the anguish and agony that one feels after someone kills him/herself, and the constant wondering "did i miss it?" or "what could i have done to prevent it?"
What I'm about to write, I have only shared with a VERY select few. Literally, no more than a handful of people in the last twelve years.
When I was a sophomore in high school, I was more depressed than I'd ever been, and never having really understood it up to that point, I, of course, thought that it would last forever. I did not have the foresight to believe that it would just go away eventually. That time would ease my pain, and that things would get SO MUCH BETTER.
People will tell you it doesn't always get better, and unfortunately, that can be true. Cause sometimes it does get better, then it gets worse, but guess what? it can also get better again.
This time in my life, as a sophomore in high school, I had a lot of acquaintances, but only a few TRUE, CLOSE friends.
I had said something (I forget what) that clued them in on my depression, and they understood it to mean that I was ready to harm myself. And they were right. I was ready to go home and do something drastic that I could never change afterward. I was ready to kill myself.
Was it due to bullying? Somewhat. More than anything, though, it was due to shame. My own shame. For who I was, for who I wasn't, and for who I never thought I could be.
At the time, my mother had me seeing a shrink, who was nice enough, but I just didn't think he could help. In fact, that day, I had an appointment, but I was planning on blowing it off and going home and doing the deed without telling anyone. I wasn't even sure if I was going to leave a note.
Thank all that is holy and sacred that I had two VERY TRUE FRIENDS who could see what was bothering me, and who'd told me they were gonna tell my mother exactly what I was planning, so if I even STILL went through with it, they knew I'd feel guilty for her knowing and not being able to stop it.
I hear about people who kill themselves, or plan to, who suddenly feel so calm once they've made the decision, both how to, and when to do it. I couldn't believe how calm I felt that day. I was truly prepared to end everything, and nothing else could bother me. Not even when people called me fag in the hallway, or told me they were gonna beat me up because I looked at them in a "gay way."
But something...strange...happened. Something...miraculous. This calm I felt? I could see through it and realize that despite everything I'd been feeling for months, I could finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. And that light is what guided me through the rest of the day, and ever since then, the whole of my life.
I'm not saying this light was God, or anything such as that. I DON'T KNOW what it was. Maybe it was the look on my friends' Michael and Michelle's faces that day as I walked toward my mother's car to go to my appointment, but right then and there, I decided not to go through with it.
Suicide is the easy way out. There is no other way to say it. I know it sounds harsh for those who have committed suicide, and I do not mean it as such. But it's the truth. Life is hard. Life is REALLY FUCKING HARD. Those who live it, and continue to live it, and try to make it better, those are the people I admire. Those who end it early? Those are the ones I feel for. Not pity. Those are the ones I empathize with.
A lot of people say they understand, or they may "know" how someone feels when they want to commit suicide. I don't believe anyone truly understands, or knows, how another may feel, unless they've been in those shoes. So when I tell you I know, or I understand, believe me, I DO.
Reading this week about Jamie Hubley, in Canada, and last month, about Jamey Rodemeyer, both of whom killed themselves due to bullying and depression, and both of whom who had posted their troubles online in videos, and tried to beat them, but failed, really made me thing back to that fateful day in sophomore year.
I can't, for the life of me, ever show my ETERNAL GRATITUDE to those two friends, Michael Mohler, and Michelle Moreno (Avila). Thank you, so much, for seeing in me what I couldn't, and believing in me.
These days, I'm a college graduate, with dreams of making it big in New York. I've found, throughout the years, full of both depression and elation, that having a goal is what truly makes a difference, for me. That, and role models, both old and young, who have shown me that I can not only see that IT GETS BETTER, but also that I can MAKE IT BETTER MYSELF.
A special thanks goes out to those who have made IT GETS BETTER videos, and promises, but I would like to specifically site a few...
Zachary Quinto, who just this weekend, revealed that he was gay, had a very powerful video...
Matt Doyle, a favorite of mine, and a true inspiration, every single day...
Chris Colfer...who, if you've read any of my blog before, you know how much I admire and adore...
And because I mentioned him earlier, and it is important to see that even the strongest of us can face such unseen obstacles of pain and torment, Jamey Rodemeyer...
PLEASE, if you are thinking of hurting yourself, please DON'T. Please, for the love of humanity, God, and all that is good in this world (because there is STILL PLENTY OF GOOD), call the trevor Project.
1-866-4U TREVOR
I promise you, it's worth it. I'm not longer considered a GLBT youth, but I've called the number before, just a few short years ago. They can help you. They can guide you. They can show you IT GETS BETTER.
Please...we've lost too many young people who could have made such a difference in this world.
And, please, don't ever forget those we have lost...
Billy Lucas, 15
Seth Walsh, 13
Tyler Clementi, 16
Jamey Rodemeyer, 14
Jamie Hubley, 15
Aiyisha Hassan, 19
Asher Brown, 13
Justin Aaberg, 15
Raymond Chase, 19
Cody J. Barker, 17
Zachary Harrington, 19
Lance Lundsten, 18
A list too long already, but not even close to everyone who should be honored...
Please, wear purple on Thursday, October 20, and don't just wait for people to ask...tell them why...
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