OUT, Part I...

Imagine you are in a confined space. Not big enough for you to lie down, or to stand up in. There's a door, but it's locked from the outside. There's a source of air, but it comes in slow and stale. You can hear, and even see everything outside, because this entire room is made of glass. It's dingy, streaked, and dirty glass, but you can make out your friends, your family, and anyone else that passes by. They speak to you, and even treat you as they always have, but don't acknowledge that you are in this space. And slowly, but surely, this space starts to shrink. First, it starts coming down from above, and then from the sides, squeezing you tighter and tighter until you are pressed up against the glass, screaming, begging for mercy.

Some call it a shrinking room, or a cell. I call it a closet. THE Closet. Yes, that closet.

On tonight's episode of Glee, the character of Santana, who has been slowly accepting that she is gay, was cruelly outed by another character, Finn, who, while he has a heart of gold, doesn't exactly have a brain to match. I saw some people on twitter cheer for Finn when he called Santana out in the hallway, saying she deserved it.

NO.

The Closet is a scary enough, lonely place without other people pulling you out before you're ready. Not to mention it's dangerous. No matter how well you think you know someone, or their situation, you don't. PERIOD. You may be able to sympathize, but there is NO WAY you could possibly know.

Last Friday was Veterans' Day, and I had the honor of meeting many Veterans and listening to their stories. As most of you know, I have many veterans in my family. I was discussing the fact that when I was a junior in high school, I took the ASVAB and scored a 97, the third highest score possible. I could have joined any branch I wanted to, and done just about anything I wanted, but I didn't. Why? Because by the time I graduated high school, i'd been out for two years, and I wasn't ready to go back in. (Obviously, if it were today, I'd be good...ten years a bit too late...)

Most people I say this too, "who cares? just don't tell them you're gay..."

My response to this is always the same: I spent fifteen years hiding what I knew to be true, and who I was, deep down inside. I thought of suicide constantly, and I was terrified that someone would find out, and I would not only be humiliated, but remember, I live in Texas, and being queer in Texas is both a spectator sport, and a contact sport, and not in the good, fun way. I wasn't about to go into a situation with MANY highly trained, highly aggressive, ARMED men with too much testosterone, and try to get away with HIDING, even for one hour. Wasn't gonna happen.

I don't care how mean, cruel, or degrading someone is, no one deserves the pain of being outed before they're ready. If it's an honest accident, that's one thing. But if it's intentional, and you consider yourself GLBT friendly, or an ALLY, then you need to stop and look at yourself again, because no true friend would thrust someone into a situation they're not prepared for. Not unless you plan on going down that same road, the ENTIRE TIME, by their side, without fail. And no matter how good of a friend you are, that just can't be possible.

Take it from someone who knows. If you read one of my previous posts, you'll know that I had the misfortune of having private letters of mine stolen, copied, and posted all over school in my sophomore year in high school. It was literally a page from hollywood. Not even two months earlier, THAT EXACT THING happened on Dawson's Creek. It is embarrassing, humiliating, degrading, and depressing. It can do a lot more than knock someone's ego down a notch. It can cause serious pain, anguish, hurt, and it can lead them to take drastic measures, whether against themselves, or others.

IF you think Outing is right, then you are no true friend to a GLBT person. If you think Outing is fair to mean people, then you are just stooping to their level.

Also in tonight's episode, all the student body presidential candidates went negative against the others, EXCEPT FOR KURT. He stood up against bullying, against EVERYONE. He didn't say "except for those who hurt others already."

Last week, when he ran into his tormenter/bully/gay stalker Karofsky, Karofsky apologized, and Kurt did what he does best: he shows his humanity and compassion. HE FORGAVE HIM. He even made a point to tell him that he would never have told anyone that Karofsky was gay. EVER.

This is a guy who pushed him into lockers, who bullied him, teased him, threatened to MURDER HIM, and yet, Kurt forgave him. Forgiveness isn't just for Jesus, or God. It was created for humans, too. If you're holding a grudge...let it go. I know it's hard, and I'll be honest, there are even a couple I'm still holding for something horrible someone's done to me and my family or friends, but I hope to one day be able to say that all is well, and all is forgiven.

LOVE. It's not just a noun. It's a verb, too. Meaning (for those who are not grammatically inclined), it's not just a concept. It's an action. You have to love people, NO MATTER WHAT.

Wouldn't you want someone to love you NO MATTER WHAT? I know I would, and I'm lucky, because I do (thanks, Mom and Dad).

So please, if it's on your mind, don't out someone. Instead, REACH OUT. Be a friend. You can never have too many friends. Except on myspace.


Peace...

--Michael

Friendship, Part I...

I have had the fortune to have some of the best friends who have ever existed in my life. I would like to take the time now to say some things about some of those friends.

Tyler-- I can't believe we met ten years ago. With the exception of your mountain man beard, you look the same as the day I met you--skinny and adorable. You have always had the greats humility about you, as well as a sense of humor that makes me weep to the point of crying from laughing so hard. I think back sometimes to some of our struggles, and wonder what it'd be like if that never happened.

And every time I do, I decide that it's a good thing. Not the struggles themselves, but what came from it. A deeper, stronger friendship between us that I wouldn't change for the world. Everyone who knows me knows that you are my most cherished friend, and that there's almost no one else in the world I'd do absolutely anything for. And it's true.

Sometimes I get sad that I don't get to see you as often as I'd like, but then I realize it makes every time I DO see you that much more special. I love the fact that no matter how far apart we are, or how long it's been, we can just start where we left off last time. And that's something that I think not a lot of people have. Sometimes, I compare my other friendships to ours, and then I remember that that's ridiculous, because each friendship is unique, and each friend is unique.

I remember when Spring Awakening came to Dallas, and I wasn't sure you were gonna get to see it, so I made sure to get you an autographed picture of the actor who played Moritz (who you later said was amazing, because he was, when you got to see him). When I asked him to sign it to Tyler, he asked why I didn't want one for myself. I said I did have another one for myself, but I wanted your's signed first. He said "your friend Tyler must be someone special." Even he could tell, without having met you, just by how I talked about you, how much you meant to me. And how much you always will.

Thank you for the brief Tyler time I had on my birthday, because it was the best time I'd had in a long time. A birthday without you is like writing without paper and pen. It's possible, but it's so much more rewarding when you're there.

Thank you.



Mario--

I thought about writing this mainly for you, since you're the one who's gonna be going away for so long, and so far away. First of all, I had a great time with you Thursday, and it was one of the best nights of my life. I'd forgotten how much fun it was just to hang out, and not have any worries for a few hours. I also thought a lot about what you said to me before I left, and I will cherish those words. It meant a lot to me. You couldn't see it, because it was so dark, and you were freezing, but I was blushing. Just a bit.

It's funny. Right after I left your street, I turned on the radio, and Matchbox 20's song "If you're Gone" came on. One of my favorites, and as I sang along, I thought about you, and how we first met, and I remembered New Years Eve of 2007, when you came to my house for my party, that NO ONE ELSE showed up to, and even though you had plans in Dallas, you made a point to stop by and see me for a bit. That meant a lot to me.

I also remember all the text conversations we've had, and after I told you I had something important I wanted to tell you, how I asked you not to get upset by it. And you went and got upset. Not because of what I had to tell you, but at the idea that I would think you would get upset. You said, "that's not fair. i'm your friend and you ask me to hear you out, but you act like i might get mad at what you said," or something along those lines. Basically, you chewed me out for not trusting you. And you were right to do so. As soon as you'd said that, I knew I'd made the right choice, not only in telling you what I'd wanted to tell you, but in my choice of friends. And if that wasn't enough, every day since then that I've spoken/texted/emailed/chatted with you, has confirmed it a hundredfold.

I am happy for you in your new venture, though I may still want you to stay in Texas. It's only natural. I'm told...

But I'm also so very proud of you. I learned a lot about cooking when I worked at Holiday Inn, and also while working at El guapo's and Applebee's. I've learned to pay attention, and every time I set out to cook, especially Italian food, I ask myself, "What would Mario do?" and "would mario like this?" and "it's Ri-C(g)OTE-A" not "Ri-COTT-A."

I wouldn't necessarily call what we have a bromance, but I would call it special. you're the most unique person I've ever met, what with your sense of humor, your loyalty to your friends, and your understanding of me and my eccentricities. I don't really pray all that much, or thank God for much...but when I do, I really mean it. I thank God for you (and you, too, Tyler!) because without you (both!) my life would me a depressing vacuum of suck.

So fare thee well, my liege, and don't forget us little folk. Especially when this little folk will be knocking on your door in philly saying "where's the beef(steak)?" and "i'm hungry, what are you cooking?"